That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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