My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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