Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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