I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
