I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
