where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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