D3 body, D1 cock
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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