I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
