just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
