I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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