do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
