you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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