you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
