Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
tell me about the eggs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
