there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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