haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
