I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
