are you so shy because you have an std?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
