the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
