dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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