Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
