Someone shit on the floor
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
