Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
