All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
