The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
