you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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