Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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