On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You're like the curious george of whores
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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