She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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