Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
