Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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