yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I got chris browned last night
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
