Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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