That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
