I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
