i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
