i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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