I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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