But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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