Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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