The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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