she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
