no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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