You made me cry and you don't even care
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My balls are so social today.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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