is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
