Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
