We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
