So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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