Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
