maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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