I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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