i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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