so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
