i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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